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Ethanol

by James Walker

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about

I wrote Ethanol for those long drives after midnight; windows down, music up, thoughts on, world off. I wanted reflect on our persistent need for excess; whether substances, attention, dopamine, love, or reassurance, we always need more.

Ethanol reflects my own recovery from addiction. Many paths that lead me there; an emotionally distant relationship with family, open-heart surgery at 14 (requiring intubation and a long stint in the ICU; it was touch-and-go for my survival), no outlet for my intense emotions and turned to dependence to fill the void. I am now clean and well.

lyrics

Never really sure if I could cut loose
Spending half my life looking for lost youth
Feeling like I’m hollow, am I see through?
Nothing fills the chasm, boy, like you do

Black or silver mirror, what’s the difference? We’ll pedestal ourselves until it kills us
Sacrifice integrity for algos
While conversation’s running to a standstill

Why do you only say what’s on your mind
When the ethanol takes over?
’til then you’re acting like another
Why does it only feel like you’re living a lie
Before the ethanol takes over?
You got me wishing I was stone cold sober

You’re moonlighting as something super special
But I don’t believe a word of which you tell them
I haven’t really laughed like that in months now
Every day’s an up-and-coming comedown

I can’t decipher anybody’s feelings
I’m never really sure if I’ll be leaving
One foot out the door, one off the damn room
Remember who I was as a new tattoo

Why do you only say what’s on your mind
When the ethanol takes over? ’til then you’re acting like another
Why does it only feel like you’re living a lie
Before the ethanol takes over? You got me wishing I was stone cold sober
Stone cold sober

credits

released November 9, 2023

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"James Walker is one of the rarest types of songwriters. His music is intelligent, introspective, and yet melodious and infectious." - Overblown Magazine

"Stunningly lovely" - The Huffington Post


New singles Sane and Chasing are out now via Kobalt/AWAL, Maximal Music Sync and Music Table South Korea. ... more

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